Skip to main content

Irrelevant


The three years I have spent working here, I have found that people tend to make you feel irrelevant and insignificant. You have to make a name for yourself and you have to make yourself significant. You have to make yourself shine. I told a story this morning about going to my brothers for a steak dinner and it was meant to be a funny story. After I finished my story, I got not a single response in a room filled with 5 people. All I heard were crickets chirping and the sound of my worship music in the background. How do you shine in a cold work environment gone stale?
How do you do that with a mental disorder? Especially when you have good days and bad?  That is a question I am still trying to figure out. One thing I know is you have to be confident in yourself and not care about what anyone else thinks about you. If they sit there and ignore you when it is blatantly obvious that you are talking to them and not a single person is responding, brush it off your shoulders. Get up and get a drink of water. Write a new blog post about it. But don’t take it personally. If they talk bad about you when you leave the room? Who cares? They are not the ones who write your pay check and their opinions don’t really need to affect your self-worth.
When you start attaching your identity and values to things that are worth substance, like people who actually matter then you won’t take personal offense to the little things. You won’t take a personal blow to the criticisms that surround you on a daily basis and you will have a reason to smile and be joyful continually. You won’t allow a shallow comment to burden you with despair and downplay the rest of your day when you have so much to look forward to and so much life ahead of you.
Living with a mental illness can be tricky because it can play with your emotions but your mind has to be more powerful than your emotions. You need to teach your mind to outweigh your feelings to properly cope with the things that bring you down. Do not allow people to make you feel irrelevant. You are amazing, you are special and you are one of a kind. People care so much about you. Just because the people around you don’t want to hear your story, there are people who truly do and those are the people who deserve a place at your table. They are the people you should choose to nourish and develop a relationship with. Cultivate that and leave the nay-sayers to be nay-sayers and allow them to be just that. Don’t allow them a place in your life to take up negativity.
Keep the positive momentum flowing!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Delicate

This is a very delicate topic so I am going to be as sensitive about it as possible. You see all 3 of my breakdowns had one thing in common, i abused stimulants. I was prescribed them but i was not using them as medically prescribed. I would use them to stay up all night and study for my exams or to be that little bit of extra productive at my serving shift. I did take the adhd test and was clinically diadnosed as adhd BUT adhd can mirror Bipolar and the way my psychiatrist explained  to me was that if i were on the right medication to begin with i wouldnt have found the need to abuse prescription stimulants in the first place. This happened for my breakdowns in 2010 and 2013. In 2016 it was different. I was NOT abusing stimulants, i was using vyvanse as medically prescribed and slowly adding in strattera when i added in strattera that is when things started going south. So it is always a question in the back of my head of whether or not i am just not capable of taking stimulants or w
Post a Comment
Read more

In the beginning

I have not been able to fully be THIS alive in 9 years. I am loving every minute of it. In the past 9 years, every 3 years I have had an episode that has torn me down and made me restart my life. The most recent was 2016, the time before that was 2013, and the first was 2010. This is the first time I have broken that 3 year curse and successfully exceeded past the miserable Spring time that brings on my infamous breakdowns. I was 23 when my first episode struck. I was a server at Olive Garden and I was also living with two roommates out in Virginia Beach. I remember the day that my dad knew something was wrong very vividly. I don’t remember the whole day, I just remember a moment of the day. I was on break, I was working a double. I walked out the back door to smoke a cigarette and I walked down to the pond. This was totally out of character and something I would normally never do. I called my Dad and I told him “I love you.” He immediately knew something was wrong. He asked me w
Post a Comment
Read more

Delusions

I had just come home from Walgreens. I spent almost 100 dollars on ink pens. They were on sale. It was my favorite type of ink pens. G2, in every color. I sat in my chair at my desk and I started zoning in and out of reality. My mind was completely blank. I just sat there staring into an empty hallway. Thinking of absolutely nothing. I felt like a complete zombie. My mind was not racing. I was not hearing voices. I was just sitting there in silence. Zoning. My roommate found me and said we need to call your dad. The night before, I was up all night long. I was talking to our cat Tinkerbell(?) having a conversation about a guy who I thought I was dating who I also thought was playing hide and seek with me. I was having a delusion. It was the first time I had ever experienced a delusion before. I had read about it in Psychology class, because I was a psychology major at the time and I was taking abnormal psychology but I had never experienced it. When you experience a delusion, y
Post a Comment
Read more