Skip to main content

2016

When i was on my way to Eastern Va medical institute i distinctly remember after they let me out of the emergency vehicle and unchained me, i knelt down to tie my shoes tighter. I was preparing for a marathon. I did not know what i was gearing up for but i was gearing up!

They led me into the wait room. I sat there pacing back and forth. Then started doing jumping jacks. Then push ups. Then the guy next to me started asking me questions so i started talking to him. He said he was sent here because he got in trouble for going to a party and getting busted for weed. That was the first time i questioned why i was there.

They called my name and i was led to the back. They took my weight and blood pressure and then told me if anyone asks i am there for a period study. So i literally thought i was there for a period study.

I was then led into a big room that was an activity room but reminded me of the tv set orange is the new black for God knows what reason...

No one was in the room at the time. I sat at a table and played with a penny for about 5 minutes until a bell rang and a crowd of people came out. I was so confused. I literally thought i was on the set of orange is the new black. So i went around tearing up peoples drawings then when they got upset i went on a scavenger hunt.

I looked down the hallways and found a friends name and started looking for him. It wasnt until a nurse found me in a room and asked what i was doing there that i got discovered. I then told said nurse that i was going to punch her in the face and she called for back up and 6 nurses later and one giant shot of geodon and an ambulance ride i dont even remember and i found myself waking up in Virginia Beach Psych. I dont even remember leaving Eastern Va! I do very vividly remember all the events there.

Thank God for modern medicine. I will never have to experience another delusional episode again. Yes i still do experience mania. But not delusional episodes and nothing severe enough to require hospitalization or to put myself or anyone else in any danger.

Mental illness is very real. Mental wellness is very important. I have come a long way since then and the road has not always been easy but it has always been worth it. This story is for you and your family. You know who you are💖

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Delicate

This is a very delicate topic so I am going to be as sensitive about it as possible. You see all 3 of my breakdowns had one thing in common, i abused stimulants. I was prescribed them but i was not using them as medically prescribed. I would use them to stay up all night and study for my exams or to be that little bit of extra productive at my serving shift. I did take the adhd test and was clinically diadnosed as adhd BUT adhd can mirror Bipolar and the way my psychiatrist explained  to me was that if i were on the right medication to begin with i wouldnt have found the need to abuse prescription stimulants in the first place. This happened for my breakdowns in 2010 and 2013. In 2016 it was different. I was NOT abusing stimulants, i was using vyvanse as medically prescribed and slowly adding in strattera when i added in strattera that is when things started going south. So it is always a question in the back of my head of whether or not i am just not capable of taking stimulants or w

In the beginning

I have not been able to fully be THIS alive in 9 years. I am loving every minute of it. In the past 9 years, every 3 years I have had an episode that has torn me down and made me restart my life. The most recent was 2016, the time before that was 2013, and the first was 2010. This is the first time I have broken that 3 year curse and successfully exceeded past the miserable Spring time that brings on my infamous breakdowns. I was 23 when my first episode struck. I was a server at Olive Garden and I was also living with two roommates out in Virginia Beach. I remember the day that my dad knew something was wrong very vividly. I don’t remember the whole day, I just remember a moment of the day. I was on break, I was working a double. I walked out the back door to smoke a cigarette and I walked down to the pond. This was totally out of character and something I would normally never do. I called my Dad and I told him “I love you.” He immediately knew something was wrong. He asked me w

Delusions

I had just come home from Walgreens. I spent almost 100 dollars on ink pens. They were on sale. It was my favorite type of ink pens. G2, in every color. I sat in my chair at my desk and I started zoning in and out of reality. My mind was completely blank. I just sat there staring into an empty hallway. Thinking of absolutely nothing. I felt like a complete zombie. My mind was not racing. I was not hearing voices. I was just sitting there in silence. Zoning. My roommate found me and said we need to call your dad. The night before, I was up all night long. I was talking to our cat Tinkerbell(?) having a conversation about a guy who I thought I was dating who I also thought was playing hide and seek with me. I was having a delusion. It was the first time I had ever experienced a delusion before. I had read about it in Psychology class, because I was a psychology major at the time and I was taking abnormal psychology but I had never experienced it. When you experience a delusion, y