I told you my mania would die. As August ends so does my mania and so does my energy. And now i find myself lying here on a Friday because of this hurricane that closed work waking up from a nice nap and talking to a few friends on messenger.
I had some very vivid dreams which is no doubt a side effect of the drugs i am on but the good news is i am sleeping and dreaming again. Mania is a fun friend, it creates some beautifully dramatic pieces of inspiration that you want to hold on to forever because for a momeny in time you felt the best you will feel for a while. Your energy was sky high, your motivation was through the roof and your confidence was beyond hesitation.
Now its back to reality and i have to find that motivation to keep moving along at an even keeled pace and not slow down even though my body is dragging and relentlessly and tirelessly wants sleep. I have to fight the urge to stay cuddled up in my blankets 24/7 and fight for my goals and fight for my dreams.
This is my chance to recreate my life and redesign it the way i want it to be and this is the year i will challenge myself to go above and beyond my own expectations. I will exceed my limitations and i will push my own boundaries to excell beyond my potential. I am ready to fly baby fly!
Just because i am not in the mood or i am not feeling it, i am not going to let that stand in my way. I have my suppory sysytem. I have my medication. I have my therapy. I have my psychiatrist. I have all the right things in all the right places and most importantly i have God.
If you are a praying person, pray that i follow His will for my life and that He opens doors for me and closes doors for me according to His will because that is how He will bless me and i want Him to bless me!
Stay safe during this hurricane Dorian!
This is a very delicate topic so I am going to be as sensitive about it as possible. You see all 3 of my breakdowns had one thing in common, i abused stimulants. I was prescribed them but i was not using them as medically prescribed. I would use them to stay up all night and study for my exams or to be that little bit of extra productive at my serving shift. I did take the adhd test and was clinically diadnosed as adhd BUT adhd can mirror Bipolar and the way my psychiatrist explained to me was that if i were on the right medication to begin with i wouldnt have found the need to abuse prescription stimulants in the first place. This happened for my breakdowns in 2010 and 2013. In 2016 it was different. I was NOT abusing stimulants, i was using vyvanse as medically prescribed and slowly adding in strattera when i added in strattera that is when things started going south. So it is always a question in the back of my head of whether or not i am just not capable of taking stimulants ...
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