Skip to main content

Resiliency


If you fall down, get back up. So much easier said than done. I fell three times and I have had my heart immensely broken five so getting back up from falling down has become quite a skill for me. I do understand how people fall and can get stuck in that stage, because I have been there before.

After my first episode, it took a whole year for me to get back to normal. My mom can testify to this, I would sit in my room and I would watch Netflix, specifically Greys Anatomy from morning until night unless I had work or school. When I had work I wouldn’t even make conversation with anyone. I would just awkwardly walk around pacing in boredom in between serving my guests. It was a very difficult year. I would go out very seldom.

After my second episode the recovery rate was around 8 months to get back to normal. So it was still lengthy but not quite as long. I still had the same job at buffalo wild wings so it was quite awkward facing the same people that I told I was going on vacation to Hawaii to when in reality I was checking myself into a mental hospital. It was embarrassing to say the least. They were all my friends on facebook and twitter and they saw the nonstop feed blow up as my manic episode escalated beyond my control. That year I went on a treasure hunt. I was headed to New York but ended up in the buffalo wild wings parking lot around 2am with a random truck driver and a slurpee.

After my third episode I was surrounded by an amazing support system so my recovery still took some time but it happened faster. I still did not get as strong as I am today until March of this year when I was pushed to either sink or swim.

I had just gotten back from my trip, and I sat down with my close friend and we can up with a plan A, B and C. And I started living by those plans. I started really creating a life for myself. Before that point I was literally at home watching law and order reruns on Hulu every single day. Then, I started going to the gym. I started going to a support group. I started going to church. I started making friends. I started talking to people. I forced myself to become the person I am now. It hurt, and it stretched me and it made me uncomfortable, but I am thankful for it now.

Resiliency is a life experience. I totally sympathize with those who struggle to get back up from getting kicked down, because I have been there before. I get that. Sometimes you have to “make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.” I did that. I am currently doing that, every day.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Wait Game

I have been at Atlantic Orthapedic for 3 years and 2 months. It has given me the time I need to gain stability. It has really given me the space and grace I needed to fully develop into my mental illness. It allowed me time to grow as a person. It offered me so many different things, and I will always be grateful for that, but I always felt like I was playing the waiting game. I was waiting for something bigger and better to come along. I was waiting for my time to fly. I was waiting until I became strong enough to stand tall on my own two feet. And now that time has come and I am ready to make moves and really make something of myself. I am on my way to making those moves. This morning I made my first move and I did something HUGE! And I am proud of myself for making that bold move and stepping out of my comfort zone and really going for it. And if it doesn’t pan out? Well, I have an option B. I am not putting all my eggs in one basket. All I know is my time here at Atlantic Or...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sovreign

My life flashed before my eyes tonight. I was driving on the interstate and a car was tailing me and another car was to the right so as soon as i could move past the car to the right i did, but the car that was tailing me had the same idea and we almost collided going 60+ on the interstate. My life was at stake tonight! A few minutes before that I prayed to God that i would make it home safely. I have been having trouble with my car for a few weeks. It has been making a put putting sound. All of this put into perspective the Sovreignty of God for me tonight. We learned about it in bible study a few months ago. I am not an ultra religious person, but i believe in God and I believe Jesus is my Savior and i really enjoy reading the bible. I am perfect by no means, you can catch me dropping the f-bomb here and there. The sovreignty we learned about was found in the book of Habbakuk. When the people were doing wicked things and Habbakuk was crying out to God asking why are you blessing...
Post a Comment
Read more

Alarm Clock

April and August are my two hardest months to face. Why? Because the seasons change. Mentally I am strong and I am prepared for change on a daily basis. I can deal with changes easily. Chemically, in my brain, I cannot. So my brain does not want to deal with the changes of the season so it spirals into a manic episode which usually is a lot worse than what I faced this year. All that happened this year is I wrote a lot. And I lost a lot of sleep. A lot of sleep. Instead of sleeping I would think. I spend the night thinking of things instead of being able to peacefully drift away into lala land and dream of sheep. You can try reading to sleep. That does not work for people who are bipolar. We get to interested in what we are reading and we can stay up all night invested in what we are reading even if it is the most boring book in the world. I don’t even watch tv to fall asleep. I turn off all my lights and just lay there in the dark, in the silence with my thoughts. And sleep does n...
Post a Comment
Read more