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Resiliency


If you fall down, get back up. So much easier said than done. I fell three times and I have had my heart immensely broken five so getting back up from falling down has become quite a skill for me. I do understand how people fall and can get stuck in that stage, because I have been there before.

After my first episode, it took a whole year for me to get back to normal. My mom can testify to this, I would sit in my room and I would watch Netflix, specifically Greys Anatomy from morning until night unless I had work or school. When I had work I wouldn’t even make conversation with anyone. I would just awkwardly walk around pacing in boredom in between serving my guests. It was a very difficult year. I would go out very seldom.

After my second episode the recovery rate was around 8 months to get back to normal. So it was still lengthy but not quite as long. I still had the same job at buffalo wild wings so it was quite awkward facing the same people that I told I was going on vacation to Hawaii to when in reality I was checking myself into a mental hospital. It was embarrassing to say the least. They were all my friends on facebook and twitter and they saw the nonstop feed blow up as my manic episode escalated beyond my control. That year I went on a treasure hunt. I was headed to New York but ended up in the buffalo wild wings parking lot around 2am with a random truck driver and a slurpee.

After my third episode I was surrounded by an amazing support system so my recovery still took some time but it happened faster. I still did not get as strong as I am today until March of this year when I was pushed to either sink or swim.

I had just gotten back from my trip, and I sat down with my close friend and we can up with a plan A, B and C. And I started living by those plans. I started really creating a life for myself. Before that point I was literally at home watching law and order reruns on Hulu every single day. Then, I started going to the gym. I started going to a support group. I started going to church. I started making friends. I started talking to people. I forced myself to become the person I am now. It hurt, and it stretched me and it made me uncomfortable, but I am thankful for it now.

Resiliency is a life experience. I totally sympathize with those who struggle to get back up from getting kicked down, because I have been there before. I get that. Sometimes you have to “make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.” I did that. I am currently doing that, every day.

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