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In the beginning


I have not been able to fully be THIS alive in 9 years. I am loving every minute of it. In the past 9 years, every 3 years I have had an episode that has torn me down and made me restart my life. The most recent was 2016, the time before that was 2013, and the first was 2010. This is the first time I have broken that 3 year curse and successfully exceeded past the miserable Spring time that brings on my infamous breakdowns.
I was 23 when my first episode struck. I was a server at Olive Garden and I was also living with two roommates out in Virginia Beach. I remember the day that my dad knew something was wrong very vividly. I don’t remember the whole day, I just remember a moment of the day.
I was on break, I was working a double. I walked out the back door to smoke a cigarette and I walked down to the pond. This was totally out of character and something I would normally never do. I called my Dad and I told him “I love you.” He immediately knew something was wrong. He asked me why I would call him just to say I love you. I told him I don’t know, I just felt like calling you and saying that. Truth be told, I am not sure what provoked me. I just wanted him to know that I loved him.
It was a very emotional time for me. My mom was away in the Philippines and my dad was in the house by himself. I was worried about my dad being able to take care of himself. I shouldn’t have been, because he is a grown man, but I was. I was also worried about the stresses of living out in the real world and having to pay bills, which I was so behind on. Thankfully I had the most gracious roommate who would always spot me when I couldn’t cover my end. I also was dealing with the breakup of a cheating long distance lover who was emotionally controlling. I had stress coming in at every angle until finally I broke.
Calling my dad and telling him I love him was just the beginning of a spiral that led down a long staircase.
I have a story and it wants to come out. I have a case and it wants to spill…
This is just the beginning of my story.

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