Boundaries

It is so important to draw boundaries and that is what I am learning. Life is all about relationships you build and in relationships you need to have boundaries. If you don’t have boundaries you allow people to walk all over you and that could be a cause of your unhappiness. You need to teach people how to treat you and how to respect you. You also need to treat and respect others the way you want to be treated and respected. It is a two way street.


It is important to stand up for yourself and build those boundaries. Tell people how you feel. Be honest with people without the fear of disappointing them. So you hurt their feelings? If you keep it bottled up, you are hurting yourself.


I wish I would have known this when I was going through my recoveries, when people were asking very personal questions that were none of their business. I am very much an open book, but to the right people. I am a closed book to people who are going to openly criticize my life. (I am opening up my life on here because I am hoping it will serve as a survival guide to those who suffer with mental illness not to be ashamed and not to feel alone.)


When people asked my personal business I would give them every personal detail and they would nod and smile and say cruel things about me behind my back. I actually had that very thing happen to me recently where I went over to a person’s house and they asked me how my life has been since they last saw me and I spilled my guts and they went inside and spilled their guts to a person coming over which made everyone look at me funny. Not a good feeling. But I held my head up high and maintained my dignity and learned not to do that again and built a new boundary.


You have to build boundaries. You have to know who your friends are and who your friends are not. Not everyone is your friend. Just because on Facebook you are friends, does not mean you are actually friends. You are not. Just because you work with them, does not mean you are friends. You are not. People will like your page and like your posts and talk to you out of boredom. This does not equate friendship. You need to learn the word " Aquaintance"


You can't bounce around the word friend the way people bounce around the word love these days. Friends are not easily acquired. Aquaintances are. You can have a million of those.


Friendship is someone who actually has good intentions for your life. They are people who care about your wellbeing and want you to do well and want what’s best for you. It is not just someone you socialize with because you are bored on a Tuesday night. It is someone with genuine feelings of compassion for you. Set your boundaries. Set your standards high. And treat people the way you want to be treated. This whole absent friend phenomenon that is going around Facebook, that is fine. Be an absent friend, but expect that, that is what you are going to get in return. So when you are wondering where your friends are…. Realize that is the kind of friend you are.


Good friendships develop over time, and one person should not feel like the giver and the other the taker. It should be a partnership in crime. It should be an equal friendship where you both add value to each other's life. I am developing very good friendships right now that I hope last a life time. Time will tell, but they are heading in the right direction. 


I am also seeing which ones don't really seem like a friendship and drawing a boundary. I don't care for absent friends. I want true friends. People who care about my life and add value and know my story. I have a few solid friendships, and through time I am sure I will have many more. I am definitely learning about drawing boundaries in relationships throughout it all.